It’s been a long time since I felt in the right place to sit and get my thoughts down. Here I am, now, somewhat settled into a new normal, a new home, a new me, a new beginning, a space full of promise and potential. And so, I settle into a beat up old wing chair in a corner next to a radiator on this insanely cold January day, and I write.
In March I will turn 42, which, astrologically, is a significant number. I may be placing a lot of weight on the significance, but this is what we do, as contributing members of society – we attribute meaning to our experiences out of genuine desire to understand that which seems unexplainable. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel that your pain and suffering is serving the greater good. Which it is, so long as you are using it as a tool for growth, and not clinging to your right to victim status. If you’re of the latter mindset, this blog is not for you at this time, but I welcome you into my heart and am holding so much space for you. And if you’re of the former mindset, whatever you gotta cling to, please, by all means, DO IT. Astrology is slowly becoming my jam, because it works for me, and brings order to the disorder.
The last 12 months have brought massive shifts into my life and the lives of many of my Sisters. Divorce, death, financial woes, termination of non-intimate relationships…seems that all this happened on an upgraded scale, and when EVERYONE around you is experiencing something so huge, there’s lot of solace to be gained from knowing that one is not alone, that we are simply pawns of the universe, and that there’s a higher calling for us that is guiding us to be on time for all our appointments, as my friend Monica says.
No matter how deeply we dig in our heels and beg for everything to stay exactly where it is, if something is meant to happen, it’s going to happen, come hell or high water. So you can either resist and resist and resist until it SMACKS you and knocks you off your feet, or you can dive head first into feeling all that you’ve been avoiding and take that bull by the horns. And most times, the choice is nowhere near that reductionist, is it, except in retrospect?
I don’t like things to stay the same. I thrive on shifts and change and challenges and movement. I stand in the middle of my vortex and chaos and I call down the change, most times to my advantage, and sometimes to the detriment of those around me, but mostly, I hope, with awareness and intention and in service to that which is bigger than myself.
Stillness is my biggest challenge. I experience it as a small death. And until such time as I am shown that the stillness is where my work is, I will continue with my own momentum. And if you’re like me and you don’t like to sit still, I’d counsel you to take a long, hard look at whether you’re constantly running in order not to face what you know you have to, or if you’re simply operating at a faster pace than those around you. If it’s the latter, welcome aboard, friends! The Train of Intention is the most exhilarating ride, is it not?
In 2017, I started the process of deconstructing some of the most tightly held vibrations I’d been lugging around my adult life. What a process, and looking back, I would not change a single moment of it because there has been so much knowledge acquired, through having lived, that I feel rich. The kind of abundance that I was granted a glimpse of is the kind that most of us, having grown up in ego-centric North America, don’t know anything about. I’ve effected bigger paradigm shifts in the last 8 months than I ever knew possible, and I’m the self-crowned Queen of the Shift.
My most important and powerful lesson has been around consumerism and the amount of energy and willingness is involved in confronting my own deeply ingrained habits. I was pretty vocal about my tendencies on social media, and it was heartening to see how many others were willing to challenge themselves as well. Now that I have more of an understanding of how flippantly I’d been relating to money, I can communicate structures more easily to those who are looking to challenge themselves to get on top of their own finances. And now that I realize how much I used shopping as an escape, and have fully curbed my purchasing habits, I can counsel on structuring the work required to stop using shopping as a crutch and a dopamine hit. You’re so much richer when you aren’t drowning in stuff and things and the need to keep up with the Joneses. The earth can’t support our shopping habits anymore, and neither can our bank accounts. Stay tuned for more on this topic!
Life is about contraction as much as it is about expansion. We cannot keep expanding outwards without occasionally gathering our energies back into ourselves to allow them to regenerate. We need to rest and renew and reset, and we need to do all these frequently. And in 2018, I want to talk more about so much relating to the processes involved in tearing down old structures completely before we can clear away the rubble and rebuild.
Wishing you all the most stellar year, and I’m so happy to be on another ride around the sun with you!